Meet The Real Me
Having Autism Is Hard Work
by Meaghan Buckley
Independent Typer with Autism
Having autism is not something you choose. It is something that gets brought to you, kind of like a lousy gift. At first it can be awful because the sensory distortions are truly frightening, but as you grow older and become more accustomed to them, you figure out ways to cope. You have to or you would curl up in a ball and stay that way forever.
Having autism is hard work. It feels like I am having a meltdown all the time. I am always on hyper drive. At first I thought I was crazy. Then I realized that I was just different. And I am OK with that.
Words have always had a special appeal to me. Early in my life I taught myself to read words and to understand them. When I hear words they appear in my brain as spelled out language. I can hear all the conversations in a room all at once. Everything I hear feels like fat noise bubbles that are sitting at the top of my brain.
You see, I have always had words inside my head. Piles and piles of words. The problem is, I cannot speak these words because my nervous system is too hyped up and my motor impulses are hard to control. I struggle mightily every minute of every day to control my impulsivity. The hardest thing I have ever done is learn to type without support, but it is also the most important thing.
This might not seem like a big deal to you, but when I discovered that my finger could do the talking it was the very best day of my life. For almost 30 years all my words and thoughts were trapped inside my head and suddenly they were being set free. For me typing is a natural means of expression, kind of like your voice is for you.
I have goals in my life just like everyone else. An important one is to teach others about autism. Understanding is the key to getting better services and results. I want to spread the word that autism is not something to fear but rather something to have respect for.
Those of us with autism are not crippled but rather blessed with having heightened sensitivities and abilities. That is if you look beneath the surface. Having autism is a strength not a weakness. Not being able to communicate this to those who so misjudge us is the ultimate irony and tragedy.